and with that, my inner Gerald Roflovski emerged.

all it took was some VERY strong antibiotics (strong enough to make everything other than vanilla tea taste like crap), and the first sunny day that Seattle has had in about six months, mix them together and… presto!

I GET AN ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE SUN.

you think i am joking… i’m not. i was thrilled that it was sunny yesterday and today. it got up to about 72 yesterday! so nice! so i traded in my thick, knit dresses and leggings for my preferred summer attire; cut-off shorts, vintage t-shirts and cowboy boots. this quarter i have two hours to kill in between my first and second periods… in which (today, at least), i cruised around town with a girlfriend (Marty) and lay in the park, reading a good book and soaking up some rays.

getting truly into the spirit of the season, i decided to go home and make some summery food; i bake the best key-lime pie this side of Tampa, so i decided to whip one up and surprise Connor with it. while i was cheerily whistling to myself and whisking together the lime zest and egg yolks, i began casually scratching my arm, and thought to myself, “Would you look at that! First mosquito bite of the season!” i was thrilled. that is, until i actually looked at it.

it resembled something like the result of a colony of killer bees landing on my arm and deciding it was unfriendly- it was red and bumpy and hot to the touch. before i knew it, the hives had spread to my other forearm and my face. helpless and terrified, i dialed Connor’s number and, in response to his,”Hello?” i screeched something like, “HEEEEEEEEELLLLLPPPPP MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! I’M DYYYIIIIIINNNGGGG!!!!” he told me to come over to his house so he could see what all the fuss was about, so i slapped my sunglasses on, shoved my elbows into the sleeves of my t-shirt and drove at about twice the speed limit the entire way there.

upon seeing me, being a rational adult and all, Connor just laughed and pulled out my medication and pointed to a yellow label on the Levaquin my doctor prescribed me, which read: “WARNING: when taking this medication, avoid exposure to direct sunlight.” so he spent the remainder of the evening periodically spritzing my bumpy, red, extremely unpleasant-looking skin with spray-on aloe vera.

and i felt like an idiot.

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